Weeks later I got home form Walmart and cried my eyes out while LM played in the bathtub.
As we walk down each aisle, I look at my son perky and happy. I play with him, tell him he's cute over and over again. "Do you know how CUTE you are?!"
I kiss my son all over his face and hug him while he sits. I do this every time we go shopping because he loves to go and I love having him with me everywhere I go.
My mom was with us and my thoughts drifted to her life. How she had me at 28, just like I had LM at 28.
And then I stopped. It was over for my mom. She didn't have any more after me, not by choice, but by nature. It's always made her sad that I was an only child. "It was hard watching you play alone" she used to tell me.
I roll down the baby aisle looking at the packaging and realize my son doesn't look like the infants on the boxes. He looks like the toddlers. His toys aren't these toys anymore, his are found in the real toy section of the store.
We move down to the formula aisle, I reach for the usual and notice it says Birth to 12 months. "Hmmm, we celebrated his birthday weeks ago. It's time to transition him to whole milk for good." I thought.
Yogurt! Oh he loves yogurt, I'll get him some of that! Looking through the various flavors I found some for babies! Perfect. Except wait. This baby doesn't look like him. He's tiny and drooly. I grab the case next to it and see a smiling, happy boy. A toddler, and I see that same boy looking up at me from my shopping cart.
"He needs some shoes" my mom says, "ok, let's head over that way." I beat her there and start grabbing a pair of shoes. "Whit" she says and I already know what's coming, "those are WAY too tiny for him!"
Punch in the gut, it all got real right there in the shoe section of Walmart.
And that night if you went looking for me, you would have found me with my head in my hands sobbing in front of my son, while he took a bath with my husband shaking his head at his very silly and very emotional wife.