Wednesday, January 28, 2015

A Thousand Years

I'm just going to come out and say it. 
I have been so weepy lately. 
Last week I was making pancakes for Little Monkey, my dad, and me. We were listening to the Baby Einstein channel and Christina Perri’s song, A Thousand Years came on. I know, I know what y'all are thinking. That cheesy song they played over and over for one of the Twilight movies, yes, that's the one. 
But as I listened to the lyrics and looked at my son in his high chair I started crying. He was pitching a fit in his chair and I just didn’t even care. I wiped off his face (remember we’ve been sick all week, so there’s been lots of green slim going on, yay) picked him up and held him close. 

As I heard these lyrics:
    One step closer
    I have died everyday, waiting for you
    Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more

  • I thought of the many days, The Big Dawg and I sat with broken hearts in waiting rooms, in doctor's offices, and in hospital wings. Each kind hearted doctor with bad news was bringing us closer to our son, we didn't know it then, but I know it now. When we babysat my little cousins and were heartbroken over our recent loss, we were being prepared for our son. When we decided to share our struggles with friends and family, we were being prepared to support others along their journey of infertility. I remembered those feelings of not knowing when or if I would be a mom. How painful it was for both of us, how lonely and insane we felt with each new set of blood work results. 
Then I heard these lyrics: 
  • And all along I believed, I would find you
    Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
Deep down, we always hoped for a baby to join our family. I think I always knew he would find us, it was just hard not knowing when or how he would come into our lives. Motherhood has been one of the greatest experiences of my life, that's not some cheesy line all moms say so that you'll want to join our awesome cult.
Motherhood has been where I finally found myself. This is me, Hi, I'm Whitney and I'm a mom, isn't that great?!
Looking at my son and knowing he is mine, for a thousand years and then some.
Well there just are no words except.
I really want another one...  

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