Monday, December 22, 2014

What to do When a Friend Takes Advantage of You

Today's Let's Do Lunch question is:

"What do you do when a friend is taking advantage of you, and they don't even realize it?"

This one had me cringing after I read it. Oh how I wish people could just pick up on things and realize when they are being rude! In this world there are the givers and the takers. It sounds like your friend is  a taker. Do your personalities mesh well? Is this someone you are best friends with or is it a relationship you could do without? If this friend is new to your life, slowly distance yourself. This might sound passive aggressive, but sometimes less drama is better and bringing up why you feel you are being taken advantage of will only offend and upset him/her. SO, back off and let it slowly die out. If this is a close friend of yours, shame on them for taking advantage of you!
 As promised when I have no idea how to answer a question, I will seek out advice from my family members who love to dole it out! So here goes...  

My aunt, AKA Miss Manners said: 
IF your friend is a true friend you wish to keep, perhaps step one is to let that "friend" know how you feel.  Some people are more intuitive than others, yet a person who asks too much does just that - for as long as it works.  Something simple and kind-hearted might start a good conversation - like, "Wow- I couldn't possibly do that for you - sorry!"  Whether friend or family member, some people just get in a comfortable rut of being self absorbed-  and in turn absorbing the energy, time and resources of others around them like you who lets it happen.  There's the answer, and defining your own boundaries is a good thing in all relationships.  A "friend" who demands or even expects way too much of you is no friend at all - not that you wouldn't step up and do whatever if the situation really called for it.   Be the victim, OR put the friendship on pause.
My dad said: 

Most of the time, when someone is taking advantage of you and are not  aware of what they're doing to you, they are either too stupid to have as a "friend" or not worth having as a "friend". I suppose it comes down to what one is willing to put up with to have this person as a friend to begin with. With three hundred million people in this country there are a lot of folks out there who are potential "friends". May be time to begin a friend search.

My mom said:
Maybe it's time to kill them with kindness "reverse" style...as in oh I'd love to do that if you could babysit for me while I run that errand for you, or can you bring me the ingredients for that recipe? And I'd love to make it for you, ... or I can make that photo pop! But can't hem a skirt the way you do, and I have two I am dying to wear! Maybe something like that? 

The Big Dawg said:


Shouldn't they just talk to them?! (me: that is such a guy thing to say!). Sometimes I think women spend too much time around each other and they need a break. They need to avoid the situations that they feel taken advantage in, don't put yourself in that situation. 
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