Monday, September 8, 2014


Many of you may have come here in the past for support with infertility. I apologize if I have disappointed you in any way by not talking more about it now that we have Little Monkey. Rest assured, it is always a topic in the back of my mind. The pain of this illness is not so easily hidden. To have your sex life talked about in a business like fashion with doctors, nurses, and students is not the ideal life experience. I get that and I'm sorry I don't talk about it more.
The reality is that my husband still has whacky numbers. Little Monkey really is a miracle for us. We aren't sure when another one will come into our family, although we are open to the idea once The Big Dawg has job security. The joy of parenting is like nothing else in this world. It challenges us daily, for the better. Our infertility issues prepared us in a way for the challenge it has brought us. I want others to know they are not alone in their desire to have children. I know how painful it feels to see that negative sign on a pregnancy test. I know what it feels like to run back to the trashcan and pull it back out over and over again...just in case it changed. 
I know how that feels and so do thousands of other women, you are not alone. We live in a time of modern day miracles. Combined with modern day medicine many families who might have been childless are now able to have families. 
That should bring you some relief!! Right?
I write this to you, the woman sitting on the cold examining table waiting for the doctor to arrive with more news. With your list of unanswered questions. 
I write this to you, the husband trying to get extra jobs to pay for those infertility treatments.
I write this to you, the guilt laden mother of a newborn who easily conceived while her sister goes through yet another cycle.
I write this to you, the couple who were told they have run out of options and adoption is their only choice, if they could just come up with that $50,000.

Although, I am a mother now, I have not forgotten you. I pray for your miracles to join you and for the joy that I feel to be yours some day soon.